Firstly, what is a "rut"? It's basically a settled and / or monotonous routine that is lacking in fun and excitment. The solution to your sexual rut depends on what rut you're in though!
I've been in a few different ones, but here are a grateful that will cover most ruts people find themselves in and the ones I'll be writing about in this series:
- The "got too much going on, so I'm too tired" rut
- The "not feeling loved / fallen out of love" rut
- The "been together a while and fallen into routine sex" rut
- The "I do not like the way I look / low self esteem" rut
- The "physical sexual problems interfering" rut
I think that most couples experience at least one of these in their relationship lifetime and often it's one partner that is experiencing something which results in the rut. Some people experience them on a recurring basis, some people experience a bunch of them and a small hand are lucky enough never experience any of them which is great!
You know you're in a sexual rut when:
- Your sex sessions basically use the same foreplay and same positions every time; you know how long it will take and what position to get into first without consulting each other
- You have sex on the same nights of the week every week – hello routine!
- You have no sex for weeks on end and you do not miss it
- You use the excuse "I'm too tired" 5 out of 6 times your partner wants to have sex and the 6th time it's not feeling well – headache
- Old people have more sex than you do
- You can not answer the question "when was the last time you had sex?" within seconds
- Your balls are blue or you have cobwebs it's been so long
- You're on Twitter at 1:30 am talking about sex instead of having it
- You have a very well toned arm arm (or whatever you arm are dominant using)
- It's become a chore; list of things to do, grocery shopping, clean house, mow lawn, have sex
- You are thinking about something mundane when you're having sex; "I really should paint that wall …"
Ruts are not fun! In fact, that's the problem – there is no fun or very little of it and in all seriousness, for a relationship to be fulfilling on every level, having a great sex life is a part of that. So lets look at some of these and talk about ways to get out of them and back into the bedroom where the fun is (or whatever room takes your fancy)!
This is the first article in the Are You In a Sexual Rut series so watch out for the other articles.